A few Dodgeball Quotes
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Dodgeball Quotes

Dodgeball Quotes Overview

As almost everyone knows dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation. Just ask Patches O'houlihan, he's not crazy and he's not a guy, he's just the greatest Irish dodgeball coach ever to be part of a dodgeball movie that also included a cameo from Lance Armstrong playing himself. This site is focused on providing the most awesome quotes about the sport of dodgeball and about the movie! We're no one trick stallion here. Many of you have seen the movie, but a quick refresher won't hurt.

Average Joe's gym owner Peter LaFleur runs a small and financially unsuccessful (due to Peter's lack of ambition) gym with a handful of loyal oddball members that don't pay memberships dues.

When Peter defaults on the gym's mortgage, the mortgage is purchased by White Goodman, owner of another gym, Globo Gym, with whom Peter already has an adversarial relationship. Peter has slept with Goodman's trainers and even sent Goodman male strippers in the past - neither of which White thinks is acceptable. Peter is basically an average, likeable guy, but he's forced to fight for his way of life's survival on the dodgeball court. And hilarity follows.

We've gathered as many of the awesome quotes that we could find from the movie (and there are tons) so if you haven't seen the movie hopefully these quotes will help encourage you to go rent it - and if you have then go watch it again! Maybe you'll find some funny quotes we missed. If you do feel free to add them. This site's nothing but fun, so have at it.

Note: We allow (actually encourage) quotes that are not related to the movie Dodgeball as long as they are related to the sport dodgeball... and they have to be funny too. Or atleast amusing in some way. Basically they can't suck. Make sure to categorize them as not from the movie when appropriate - Please, for all of us, babe.


All Categories of dodgeball quotes

Dirty
Feeling like getting a little freaky - naughty?! Well these quotes are right there with ya.
Dodgeball In General (not movie)
Items in this category of dodgeball quotes are from outside the movie. Go ahead and add 'em if you got 'em, but they should be funny and awesome or don't bother.
Funny
Almost every quote on this site will fall into this category. As I initially compiled this list I remember laughing out load so it's definitely an enjoyable list that will make you want to go watch the movie again for a good laugh.
Motivation and Goals
Stranglely, some of the quotes in Dodgeball were actually motivational. After all, both of the main movie characters were entrepreneurs and managed physical fitness gyms... those people have to motivate every day. So what were some of the motivational quotes noticed? This section contains the list.
Other
Some of the Dodgeball quotes may not fit nicely into at least one of the other categories so this is the kind of "catch all" category.
Outtakes
These quotes are from the movie 'Dodgeball', but specifically from the outtakes, blubbers (bloopers), and alternate ending.
Trash Talk / Smack Talk
Dodgeball trash talk! Some of it's silly, some of it's funny, some of it's awesome. All of it's here!
Cotton McNight
One of the more "normal" characters in the movie is Cotton McNight (Gary Cole), who plays a sports commentator for ESPN 8, the Ocho. Cotton and his younger cohost, Pepper Brooks, do the play by play for the entirety of the dodgeball tournament and easily have some of the best lines in the movie. There's a lot of - "did he really just say that" for both of these guys.
Dwight
Dwight (Chris Williams) used to work at the airport and he's not going back there again so he's all in on helping Average Joe's win the dodgeball tournament. He also recognizes a lesbian when he sees one (sort of) - good guy to have around! We find out in the outtakes that Dwight was actually a trainee trainer at Globo Gym so he has an extra bit reason to want to beat them.
Gordon
Gordon (Stephen Root) is an overweight, goggle spectacle wearing older white guy with two children and a mail order bride. The poor guy just doesn't stand a chance, but when David Hasselhoff starts hitting on his wife a new man emerges and Gordon shows what he's capable of (even if only in short bursts). He's the one who subscribes to Obscure Sports Quarterly (for the chicks) and realized that competing in and winning a dodgeball tournament was their ticket to keeping the gym alive. Thank you, Gordon!
Justin
The character Justin (played by Justin Long) is still in High School and want more than anything to prove that he is not a loser. His way of doing it is to work out really hard so that next year he can make the cheer leading team! As Peter in the movie proclaims... a lot has changed since I've been in high school. Justin wants to get with Amber one of the head cheerleaders so he's doing what he can at Average Joe's.
Kate
Kate (Christine Taylor) is an accountant for the bank that is foreclosing of Average Joe's Gymnasium. She is disgusted by White Goodman and after fighting off several of his advances she decides to join the Average Joe's dodgeball team to help put Goodman in his place. There's an ongoing discussion regarding her sexuality, and we find out the truth in the end!
Lance Armstrong
Lance Armstrong is one of the most well known professional road racing cyclist ever. Armstrong won the Tour de France a record seven consecutive times between 1999 and 2005, but was later disqualified from those races and banned from competitive cycling for life for alleged doping offenses. He is the founder of the Livestrong Foundation, originally called the Lance Armstrong Foundation, which provides support for cancer patients. In spite of his doping issues he is widely recognized as a symbol that life is not over after cancer and one can actually achieve great feats even following illness. His appearance in the movie is short, but quite funny and he presents Peter with plenty to think about.
Owen
Owen (Joel David Moore) is an awesome character. He actually doesn't say all that much, but he makes almost every single thing that he says count when it comes to being quotable. Also, he's not very good at math... $100,000 x 50 = $50000? This is the same guy who played J.P. in Grandma's Boy, another classic.
Patches O'houlihan (the coach)
Patches O'houlihan, played by Rip Torn, is the wheel chair bound dodgeball coach of the Average Joes. His character is actually a young, happy man in his 30s in one part of the movie and much older and more bitter in the rest of the movie. I think you'll agree that his character has some of the best quotes.
Pepper Brooks
One of the fan favorites of the movie, Pepper Brooks (Jason Batemon) is one of the two play by play commentators for ESPN 8, the Ocho, during the dodgeball tournament. He's got some of the most hilarious (and "out there") lines and his obviously on something persona is noticeable, but not annoying. It's just good clean family fun with him!
Peter LaFleur
Peter LaFleur (Vince Vaughn) is the owner of Average Joe's, a small and financially unsuccessful (due to Peter's lack of ambition) gym with a handful of loyal oddball members that apparently don't pay memberships dues. When Peter defaults on the gym's mortgage (unknowingly since he wasn't warned it was coming), the mortgage is purchased by White Goodman, owner of another gym, who Peter already has an adversarial relationship with. Peter has slept with Goodman's trainers and even sent Goodman male strippers in the past - neither of which does White Goodman think is acceptable. Peter's basically an average, likeable guy forced to fight for his way of life's survival on the dodgeball court. But atleast he has a smokin' hot girl managing his account.
Steve The Pirate
Steve the Pirate (Alan Tudyk) is one of the Average Joe's team members who basically just always talks, dresses, and acts like a pirate. Somehow this is completely unnoticed by one of the team members, Owen, until Steve stops acting like a pirate - at which point Steve is immediately recognized as a pirate by Owen. Crazy! Here's some of Steve the Pirate's good quotes.
White Goodman
White Goodman (Ben Stiller) is the owner and founder of Globo Gym. He's put in a lot of sweat building a powerhouse of gym to help people get into shape, but he would love nothing more than owning Average Joe's Gymnasium - well he might enjoy turning it into a parking lot even more than owning it. When he finds out that the owner of Average Joe's has entered a dodgeball tournament in an effort to raise money to save the gym he decides to enter his own team to thwart their efforts. White Goodman is a strange and we've got the quotes to prove it. Enjoy!